NFL Week 12 Fearless Free Picks
HINES WARD -11 over Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals are by and large one of the worst teams in the league, with one productive receiver and a quarterback scrambling for his life. With some brutal weather slamming in to the Pennsylvania area, the chances of this game getting out of hand are slim. Hines Ward has an apparent bounty on his head, but if that’s the case he’s the wrong mo-fo that the Bungles want to be targeting. Maybe they should think about scoring before they get in over their heads.
Buffalo Bills -3 over KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
Buffalo has been a massive letdown for the past two months, going 1-5 ATS in their last 6 games. On the road they are 2-5 SU over their last seven games. So why do I like them against the Chiefs? Because there’s now there’s no pressure to win. They’re officially out of the playoff hunt, barring some miracles. Don’t worry Rian Lindell…at least it wasn’t the Superbowl.
TENNESSEE TITANS -5.5 over New York Jets
Go ahead. I dare you to bet against the Titans. They haven’t lost anyone any money this season. Why would they start now against the Jets? Good luck to Thomas Jones and the offensive line of New York battling the best defense in the league. Tennessee only gives up 13.1 points per game and remains the most difficult team to run on in the entire NFL.
ST. LOUIS RAMS +9.5 over Chicago Bears
Do you really want to trust either of these two teams? The Bears are 1-4 ATS in their last 5 games and the Rams are 3-10 ATS in their last 13. Yikes. The problem with this line is that the Bears are not a team that can run up the score, and the Rams seemed to find some rhythm last week by deploying Pittman and Darby at the same time last week.
MIAMI DOLPHINS -1.5 over New England Patriots
Everyone will assume that the Dolphins will likely fold in this game due to Matt Cassell emerging as the “greatest quarterback ever!!!” and the Patriots’ Randy Moss getting his mojo back. Miami is riding a 4-game winning streak, beating up on Buffalo and Denver in that streak. While I don’t think the Pats are down for the count just yet, the Dolphins will be ready to unleash Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown en route to a victory.
Brad Childress -2.5 over TROY WILLIAMSON
Jacksonville got decimated by the Titans last week. The Vikings are a similar team, plus Coach Childress will probably get in a fight with former prospect Troy Williamson, who now joins the receiver corps in Jacksonville where their motto is “we don’t care if you under achieve as long as you have potential!”
BALTIMORE RAVENS over Donavan McNabb’s IQ
Donavan McNabb is the dumbest SOB in the NFL. Bar none. Holy carp is this the worst team ever or what? How do you not know that games in the NFL can end in a tie? Goddamnit whenever McNabb opens his dumb mouth it makes me want to vomit with absolute rage.
DALLAS COWBOYS -11 over San Francisco 49ers
I like this Shaun Hill kid. He’s got gumption. Let’s override the fact that San Fran is 2-5 ATS in their last 7 games. They’re cursed because two weeks ago I saw Steve Young carrying a Dallas Cowboys hat on the sidelines of Monday Night Football in Arizona. Tsk, tsk.
CLEVELAND BROWNS -3 over Houston Texans
This game all depends on which side Sage Rosenfels decides to bet on. He’s probably bet his entire salary on Cleveland because Brady Quinn is just that beautiful. Go to hell, Sage Rosenfels. Nobody trusts you anymore.
Coach Gruden -9 over COACH MIRANELLI
Whenever a former assistant coach plays against the head coach who taught him, I always love the shots of the sidelines as the former assistant glares across the field at his former teacher and mentor with the words, “I don’t need you! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYOMORE!!!” running through his head. Graham’s injury came at a decent time for Tampa, who will get to see what exactly Cadillac has left when he gets to rev the engine against the worst team in the last five years.
DENVER BRONCOS -10 over The Oakland Suckfest
If the Broncos and Chargers don’t win this week, then nobody from the AFC West is allowed to be in the playoffs. Nobody.
NEW YORK GIANTS -3 over Kurt Warner For MVP!
If San Francisco was able to march on the Cardinals, then Eli Manning will have no problem. Get ready to be reminded that Kurt Warner was Eli’s first mentor in the NFL and eventually left to backup Matt Leinart in Arizona and now he’s an MVP candidate and a God-fearing Christian and should’ve married after his Arena football career because my goodness his wife is fugly! You know who else should be an MVP candidate? Eli Manning! Get ready for the torch to trade hands as the Giants continue to beat up on the NFC, and the spread, for the twelfth time in thirteen games on the road.
Washington Redskins -3 over SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
The Skins looked legitimately decent against the Cowboys and the Seahawks are inexplicably bad. Even with Hasselbeck back, the Blowhawks went down in a heap of crap. And if you think the Seattle fanbase is going to rise up and push their team over the edge, let’s just remember that the Hawks are 1-4 ATS in their last 5 games at home.
ATLANTA FALCONS -1 over Jake Delhomme’s Elbow
The Falcons’ offense will be tested by one of the most difficult defenses in the league. But I just don’t trust Jake’s elbow at this point. And besides, isn’t it time Atlanta had something to smile about? Lil’ Wayne’s even lost a bit of his swagger.
INDIANPOLIS COLTS +3 over San Diego Chargers
The Curse of Ed Hockuley will prevail as the Chargers sink against an AFC rival that is coming to life at the right time. Maybe Tony Dungy had us all duped. Or maybe they just started piecing their act together. Either way, the Chargers are in deep trouble.
Green Bay Packers +2.5 over NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
The Packers has finally returned to some sports betting stability going 4-0-1 ATS in their last 5 games. You all know I don’t trust the Saints. I don’t expect them to return to turn in to Superbowl contenders in one week after an unconvincing win over the Chiefs just doesn’t cut it.
